Why people cheat

Infidelity... it is one of those things that we don't talk about....until it has happened.

Why do people cheat?  There are many theories out there of "why" but no one really understands it.  It it a midlife crisis....is it money issues....is it lack of attention from your spouse?  



Let's look at these "excuses" and see if we can figure this out:

Lack of attention from your spouse:  Let's be honest we all want to hear nice things.  With this being said if we don't hear them at home....we will listen to others.  When we listen to others compliment us it can turn into something more IF we don't get the same attention at home.  I once overheard a lady tell a man that he was married to a beautiful woman.  The man's response:  NOTHING.  Not a "thank you, I know" not a "I agree" not a "and you just know the 'outside' she's even more beautiful on the inside."  I walked away shaking my head at this husband.  Now, to be fair to him...I don't know the dynamics of their relationship nor do I know what happened or what was said prior to this or after I walked away (after about 2 minutes) but what I do know is this:  That husband missed an opportunity to make his wife's day...and he missed it.  I do know this:  should another man tell her she is beautiful...she will start to feel that way WITH HIM and not her husband.

Money Issues:  WOW, what a relationship killer.  When money is tight tension builds with both parties and things are said that we wish we could take back....but words can never be taken back NO MATTER WHAT and no matter how often a person apologizes.  When there are money issues it is more important that a couple communicate with EACH OTHER.  I often hear friends say, "we wouldn't have money problems if he/she would quit spending money on crap."  When I hear these comments I shake my head because what is crap to one is treasure to another.  When money becomes an issue it is important to decide AS A COUPLE what is "worthy" of spending money on, what essentials are needed and what are now the extravagant spending items.  When money is tight....creamer for your coffee could be put into the extravagant category.  Just communicate and NEVER hide money from the other.

Midlife crisis:  I want to start of by saying I hate this term.  It's almost a "hall pass" to do whatever you want when you want.  It usually happens later in a marriage, seven+ years, and it is usually the turning point in the person's life.  The truth is that we all change as we grow...and we all change as we grow older.  Our priorities change, our views of life change and how we see our spouses change.  It is what we DO WITH THESE changes that will determine our integrity   People get married too young and have children.  Who we are in our early 20's is NOT who we are in our 30's and 40's so when we marry young it's not surprising that we don't like who we are married to.  The empty nest syndrome...the children leave the home for lives of their own and we are "stuck" with our spouses.  This happens when the couple quit being a "couple" while raising children and only become parents.  

It all starts with respect.  It all ends with communication.  No matter what happens if you lose one of these...your marriage could be in danger.  Once once is lost...the other will soon follow and it is harder to rebuild a relationship than it is to fix a broken window.

If you have experienced any infidelity in your life; whether you are the one that was cheated on or you were the one who cheated...please tell me how you handled the situation.






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Spring cleaning your closets

I know...just the thought of it makes you cringe.  I know it does me....but it needs to be done and, lets be honest, if you aren't the one who does it, it probably won't be done the way you want.

Here are a few steps that will make it easier and more productive:

We all have our ideas of what we want for closets; space, organization, etc.  What we have in our imaginations....well, our reality just doesn't measure up.  

What we want is this:  

What we have is this

The MOST IMPORTANT tip is to make sure your bedroom is clean first.  You don't want to add to a mess with a bigger mess.

Take ALL of your clothes out of the closet.  I know when doing this it may be easier to say "well, I KNOW I'm keeping this so I'll just leave it in here."  Don't be tempted to do this!!!!

Have areas of the bedroom that you can place your clothes into categories: Definitely keeping, I like it but......., too small, too big, give to friends and donate.

You now have a BARE closet......right!!!  What were your biggest issues with your closet? Not enough hanger space?  Not enough shelf space?  Not enough room for shoes?  And no, you can't blame your problems on your spouse...for better or worse remember?

What you decide from #4 FIX!!  Need more shelves, add shelves.  Need more hanger room...you can always add another rod underneath and use that section for shirts BUT you are getting rid of some things so hanger space may not be an issue.  Need more room for shoes you can always purchase a divider to hang from the rod, build shoe racks, or....get rid of shoes you don't wear.  You can get a container and put "summer" shoes in there for the winter and switch for the seasons.

Section your closet; dress, casual, formal, jeans, shirts....however you want.

As with the Spring cleaning in the earlier blog:  work top down. Wipe rods, shelves, walls and vacuum.  

Now comes the fun part:  Putting it back together.  We are going to bypass the top down rule for this one exception:   Easy to wrinkle items in your DEFINITELY keeping pile needs to be hung up in the appropriate section.  NOTE:  place hangers BACKWARDS on your rods.  This will let you know at a glance what you have worn and what you haven't. More details later.

Decide what is going to go on your top shelves.  Do you have your folded jeans there? Your t-shirts?  Never pile your folded clothes so high that if you reach for the top one it brings the pile down on you.  

Finish hanging your definitely keeping clothes in the appropriate sections.  Don't forget to hang your clothes hangers backwards.

I like it but......pile of clothes go through that pile.  Okay you bought an outfit and haven't worn it.  It still has the price tags on it....BE HONEST, if you haven't worn it yet and you have gone through the season it is appropriate...will you ever wear it?  If you answer "yes" hang them in your closet (backwards) in the appropriate section.  With what is left are you donating?  Giving to friends?  Throwing away?  Place in appropriate boxes or bags.

Too big but I LOVE IT.  Call and find out if it can be altered.  Is it worth the expense AND will you actually take it in to be done?  If the answer is no...give it away, donate or throw away.

Clothes to small....yes, we all like to hold onto those outfits we used to be able to wear. Ask yourself...if you do lose weight will you still WANT to wear it.  Allow yourself a certain number of these outfits and stick to it.  If you say I can keep two outfits that are too small "just in case" than only keep two outfits.  Donate, give away or throw away the rest.

Shoes:  How did we get so many?  If they have not been on your feet for one year GET RID OF THEM; donate, give away or throw away.  Don't look at them and say but I "may" wear them.  Let's be honest we all have a ton of shoes and only have a select few we always wear.

Keep in mind:  That great deal you got on the outfit, shoes, jeans, etc. is ONLY a great deal if you actually WEAR it.

Now comes the HARD part:  Donating, giving away and throwing away.  DO THIS IMMEDIATELY so you don't "change your mind."  You are either thinking this right now or will do this  when you clean your closet:  I'll just store these "just in case."  Don't do this. Get rid of them immediately.

Your closet is clean with all the hangers hanging backwards. When you wear an outfit, wash it and hang it back up place the hanger the correct way...this way you KNOW at a glance what you are wearing.  After one year if there is anything still hanging backwards GET RID OF IT.

Hope this helps with tackling the closet.  If you have any other suggestions please comment as we can all use more ideas of making this chore easier to do.






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Spring Cleaning

I don't know about you but it is the end of January and I am already excited and stressed about Spring cleaning.

I don't know if it is more about "this means the weather is going to change" or my house will finally get put back into order.



This year I am going to take four days and do the entire house.  I have a four bedroom, two living rooms, sun room (that acts like another living room), two baths, laundry room and the garage (which may or may not get completed).

If you need some ideas on how to make the most of your time is doing this here you go:

1. Containers, containers, containers.  If you are a "neat" packer than I suggest see-through containers.  The "stuff" in the containers that belong in the room STAY in the room unless you have a spot somewhere that everything can be stored.
2. One room at a time.  DO EVERYTHING in that room; floors, ceilings, windows etc.
3. Start with the room that if you could "forget" about you would.  The reason is if you leave that until last....it won't get done.  For me this is our "office."  I avoid that room like the plague as it has boxes of "need to shred" and I just haven't done it yet....so this year the first room I do will be that one.
4. Next room:  Of course that would be the second room you would like to forget.  
5. I always do my bedroom last...it is my sanctuary so when that one is done I can honestly relax.
6. Don't forget the "hidden" messes; furnace vents, dryer vents, etc.  I suggest hiring a professional for these.

Tips for each room:

• If you plan on having your carpets, floors and/or furniture professionally cleaned....call and schedule the appointment BEFORE you begin.  This give you a time that all has to be completed so no "putting it off" for another day.
• Plan your work, work your plan.  I start from the top and work down.  Grab on of those swifter sweepers and wash the ceiling.  Be careful of the cleaning solution you use as it may damage the paint.  Ceiling done, ceiling fans next.  Windows (includes windowsills) then walls.  Dust furniture, vacuum  and last....the base boards.
• Whatever room you are in:  If something needs washed it gets washed while you are cleaning that room.  If something needs packed and stored it gets done while you are cleaning that room.
• Don't forget to have your tools and/or WD 40.  Do repairs as you find them.
• If you haven't touched it for six months THROW IT OUT.
• If you haven't used it for a year THROW IT OUT. (This one also applies to clothes).
• If you have to remove everything from the room and place in the hallway DO IT.  This will help you see the room and know where you want to put everything back.  It will also help you throw out the stuff you don't need, use or touch.
• When the room is complete; leave the room and SHUT THE DOOR!  The reason you shut the door is mentally you can see the door closed and feel the "completed job" every time you see the door.

Tips for surviving this:

• Give yourself a break.  This break you get to do NOTHING for 15 minutes.  Use this time to regroup and plan your next stage of attack.
• Plan your start and end times AND STICK TO IT!  
• Plan your meals for the day.  There is nothing worse than breaking for lunch only to spend 20 minutes figuring out what you are going to eat and another 10 minutes fixing it.  Plan it so you can relax for the time you eat.  I give myself a half hour (any more time I would have a hard time getting back into it).
• When you finish a break or meal walk into a completed room...this will get you motivated to continue on.
• Start and end each day of your Spring cleaning in a completed room.  There is nothing more motivation than a room completed!

House is done:

• If you hired a professional to do the carpets, floors and/or furniture it is a good thing to do the garage or outside Spring cleaning while they are inside.
• Have a get together at your home.  Plan a Bar-b-que or a dinner.  There is nothing better than having guests in your home complimenting you on how nice your home looks....it makes the work "worth it."  I know, your family's comment "house looks nice" should be enough...but is it ever?  Once the party is over CLEAN again.  You don't want to "regret" having the party or get together.

Hope this helps and if any of you have any other suggestions I am always up for learning an easier way to do this and I'm sure the readers will also appreciate your input!

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(Formally Trujillo's Steam King) 

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Smoke damage to your home: Carpet

Fire, smoke.....all leads to damage.

Depending on how bad the smoke damage is will determine the what you need to do.

The most prevalent sign of smoke damage is the smell....but the smell won't tell you how serious the problem is.  We talked about furniture earlier and this one is going to focus on your carpet. 

You can do this yourself but I strongly recommend hiring a professional to check for you.

First you need to ventilate the home:  Open windows and doors.

Lift the carpet up to determine if the smoke damage penetrated the carpet padding.  If it has than it is recommended that you replace your carpet and padding as soon as possible.  Hiring a reputable carpet cleaner will help you with this decision.  A reputable carpet cleaner wants you safe and will let you know if it can be cleaned or if it needs to be replaced.

I said in the furniture blog that smoke damage can be toxic to your health depending on what burned and how bad the smoke damage is.  Remember, it is your babies and pets who are closest to the carpets at all times......Being safe is essential at this time.

I have met many carpet cleaners in my lifetime (I have pets) and some were not so reputable and would rather keep "cleaning" and getting the money versus being honest with you about replacing the carpet and padding.

To find a reputable carpet cleaner you need to ask!  Ask your friends who they use. There is no better reference than someone you trust.  This works in your favor two ways:  

• The first way is there is an inherent trust because your friend trust them 
• AND the carpet cleaner wants to keep your friends trust, earn your trust and possibly get future business from you. 

I know if I was ever in this situation and a carpet cleaner told me (at the loss of the job) that I needed to replace my carpet and pad...I would remember in the future when I needed the carpets cleaned.

Please like Trujillo's Cleaning Company (Formally Trujillo's Steam King) on Facebook or visit their website.

Smoke damage to your home. Furniture

It seems that 2012 was the year for fires and many homes were destroyed.  My heart goes out to all that were affected by the fires.

I want to talk about what happens after a fire; when you don't lose your home to the flames but the smoke causes damages.


Whether it is large fires like we have seen lately or a small fire contained in your home....you cannot stop the smoke.  Smoke is a beast all by itself. 

So what happens when your furniture; couch, mattress, etc. has smoke damage but isn't destroyed.  

Fire and smoke restoration is a specialists job and removal of all debris from the site may be injurious to the environment and may incite health complications due to their toxic nature. For example, a fire in the kitchen burns rubber, different food products, solutions and many other items which produce unhealthy toxins. This is more dangerous for the environment over the damage and loss of properties. You need top quality professionals to take care of the situation and perform the work of cleaning to keep the environment clean so that human health is not affected.  
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When a large fire breaks out and your home is spared from the flames there is a sense of relief....until we realize the damage that the smoke caused our homes.  It's not just the discoloration of our furniture...it's the dangers that are in our furniture that should be our main concern.

Insurance:  It is a wonderful thing until we learn what we need isn't covered.  Now would be a good time to find out exactly what your policy covers.  

What if you don't have the insurance to replace what has been damaged?  Can you afford to replace your entire household furniture?

Another option is to find a professional who specializes in removing smoke from furniture.  Fires are very damaging and they can be very costly.  Know what your insurance will cover and know how to protect yourself after a fire.





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Being the designated driver and having fun

Okay, it's your turn...you get to go BUT no drinking for you so how are you supposed to have fun? 





Let me assure you there is plenty of ways to be included in the fun (and a few things you can do to create some fun yourself).

Be prepared:  There is nothing worse than driving a really drunk person home.  I suggest you have food in your car that will help soak up some alcohol on your ride.  PB sandwiches (no jelly) are good as they don't "drip" on your seats and it will help fill them up.

Take a notebook with you and assign each person a page.  I love to have them sign their name on the first line before they start drinking.  Each time they finish a drink you write what their drink was and have them sign next to it.  You can have a contest on the most legible signature at the end of the night....and let's be honest we love Facebook and can "post" their sheets the next day.  Make sure the bartender/waitstaff/customer takes a group picture BEFORE the drinking begins.

Go to the dollar store and buy a crazy hat or button.  When one has a "drunk moment" (we all know what those are....falling of the chair, falling into a wall, etc.) they have to wear the hat or button until the next "drunk moment."  Don't forget the picture of this.


If you have a great group of people have each person give you $20.00 before the beginning of the night.  The one with the worst signature has to tip the bartender/waitstaff their whole $20.00 and the rest tip $5.00 of their $20.00.  Depending on your group you can either return the remainder to the "non losers" of the signature game or, if everyone agrees, you can keep that as your tip.

If you feel like you are out of place drinking soda?  Order a non-alcoholic beer or drink.  If your group likes to drink shots (this gets fun with the notebook) have a shot with them....just do it with water, soda or orange juice.

As the designated driver it is your responsibility to keep everyone safe....and of course it is your obligation to take pictures and/or video of the night.  (only do this if you are the type of friend who will respect their privacy and only show them...unless they say you can post it on Facebook).  You will only remain friends if you are first a friend....but there are no rules that say you can't embarrass them in small groups.  Ask the bartender/waitstaff to take an "end of the night" picture for your notebook.

The next day:  You now have pictures and signatures.....create a memory book of the night out.  If you have a great group of people and a great bar you can have a wall of your memories of that night out.

Now, being the designated driver doesn't seem so bad does it.

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Free pick up and take home Pueblo West Bar

I want to talk about drinking and driving and the importance of NOT DOING IT!

Across the Country we have had free rides home on New Year's Eve but a local bar in Pueblo West, Colorado has taken that to a new level!



Jimmy's Tavern is offering Pueblo West residents a pick up and drop off service to their bar.  All you have to do is call them, schedule the time for them to pick you up.  When you are ready to go they will safely deliver you home.  

We need more bar/tavern owners taking that extra step to keep their customers safe, keep other drivers on the road safe and to help stop the drinking and driving!

Hats off to all those that assist in stopping drinking and driving.  Deaths on the New Years holiday increases by 150% (according to the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety) and we all need to do our part in stopping these senseless deaths!!

Please be safe and sober if you are driving this New Year's holiday!!!

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